My Thankful Family’s 2020 Zoom Holiday Feast

Pass the f@#$ing stuffing!

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

While historians will tell you our national election schedule was determined by the sagacious leaders of America’s mostly agrarian society in 1845, I like to believe it’s the machinations of a few old, sadistic jerks who wanted to wreck Thanksgiving every four years. You see, kids, some men just want to watch the world burn. Even on Thanksgiving.

In a hyper-political year, every choice you make will be politicized. Never has the disagreement over dressing versus stuffing been so potentially volatile. Oh, how those old farmers would be amused to see the chaos they’ve wrought a mere 175 years after determining our election calendar around harvest time and Sunday church service. This year our family decided to Zoom, but even the wonders of turkey at a distance won’t overcome all the political booby traps lying in wait. I’ve written holiday survival guides before, but this Thanksgiving — everything is different!

I knew trouble was brewing when mom and I began discussing plans for coordinating multiple time zones and different continents. We’ve traditionally been an early Thanksgiving dinner family, Thanksgiving lunch really. Being native Texans, we typically either finish eating or at least start by kickoff for the Cowboys game. This schedule isn’t bad for us in Eastern Europe…