Member-only story
Snarky Jesus Thanks You For Remembering His Birthday
Christmas birthdays are the worst.
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday last week. It was nice to see some of you take a moment from your little Christmases to remember my special day. I’m well aware how busy you people get over the holidays.
We had a small shindig at my place. In the morning we staged our annual nativity scene with Mom and Papa Joe. After centuries of my part being played by Middle Eastern Jewish boys, this year we branched out to be more inclusive. For 2020, I was played by a prokaryote from Jupiter’s moon Europa. I think it brought a subtle intensity to the role.
We also decided to diversify our three wise men by having three wise entities instead. We went with an emerging consciousness from Kepler-62f, a worm from Kepler-442b, and a redheaded caucasian girl named Jesper from Cincinnati. Of course, somebody objected to the word ‘wise,’ saying it suggested intellectual elitism. So, we called them guests and ditched the gold, frankincense, and myrrh for crafty homemade stuff that wasn’t as commercial, like hand-woven coasters and a steampunk medallion.
Oh, and somebody placed a penguin next to the manger, for, you know, global warming. It actually kinda worked next to the sheep.
